Hello, well what a year this has been!  Lots of hospital tests, and ‘procedures’, culminating in the summer with loss of balance and decreased hand function, which led to an emergency MRI and finally, a diagnosis.  I have Multiple Sclerosis (MS) – 12 lesions were found in my brain, and 2 in my neck.  This has taken a lot of processing, and coming to terms with, as although I was glad to finally get an answer, the terror and fear for my future has engulfed me at times. My mental health has felt very fragile at times, and it has been ‘work’ on a daily basis to keep myself from going into severe depression.

I have been mainly concentrating on keeping as active as possible,  continuing to walk daily with Richard and Izzy, and I got some trekking poles so that I can stride out more.  I have also bought a fabulous Pashley handbuilt tricycle.  Unfortunately I have had a few mishaps getting used to riding it (which is surprisingly difficult to say it has 3 wheels)  which have shook me up a bit…….but it is work in progress.  I even bought some snazzy cycling gear so that I look more sporty!  It is quite difficult to get to the canal towpath, but I go along the pavements, as they do on the continent.

So……….my life has certainly slowed down, we don’t go out socially as much as before, mainly because of the fatigue.  I need to rest more in the day, sometimes after our walk I need a rest before my Epsom salt bath, and then a rest after it! I can’t really plan ahead a lot, as I don’t know how I will be.  I am sometimes appalled at how I feel, as I have pain every minute of the day, particularly in my legs and feet, and the nights are the worst, as sometimes I can be up every hour with my tetchy MS bladder. I also have food sensitivities, and have cut out gluten from my diet which is definitely helping with my gut problems. I still manage a couple of beers sometimes though!

I need to keep a positive attitude to keep myself buoyant, and stress and worry bring me down both mentally and physically.  I have to be really careful around political stuff.  I was (and still am) profoundly upset by Brexit.  We came home from France early in 2016 to vote in the referendum.  I was so shocked at the result, and now the mayhem and divided country is deeply upsetting to me.  I love being European, I hold dear the fact that peace has been held in Europe for 70 years, and that we are all ‘in it’ together.  Of course there were problems, but nothing that we couldn’t sort out together, and being part of the solution with reform must be better than being an isolated nation, out there on our own in this scary world.  The Trump situation in America also distresses me greatly, but also racism, poverty and homelessness bring me to tears regularly too.  I worry for our children and our grandchild, and hope that love and goodness and kindness will prevail.

I am sad that because of my condition I can’t ‘do’ more, such as volunteering at a food bank, or homeless shelter, which I would love to do, and I feel my life is shrinking sometimes, but then I balance these feelings, with ones of gratitude and acceptance, and know that my life is full of good things too, and that I am so lucky.  So, I practice gratitude, even on my darkest days, and I smile!  Smiling actually produces endorphins into the bloodstream, so even in the night if I can’t sleep because of pain, I smile………. when I feel sad, I smile!  Honestly, it really does work, try it!

So, there you have it, my update, not great, but hey ho, could be a lot worse!