On my own again yesterday, it is strangely comforting having that metal womb surrounding me, and being imprisoned like that makes me go deep inside myself and into the very core of my being somehow. I sang all the way there and back again, singing songs from my choir days, dance camp songs, mostly in nonsense, Hebrew like words. Perhaps I am channelling ancient ‘stuff’.

This morning I had an insight after messaging my sister-in-law Jean, that even though I struggle with my ongoing health problems, at least I am truly ‘living’, and am experiencing the dark shadows in my life fully, as well as the joy, and all the shades in between. I can be truly grateful for all the people I love and who love me, I can see the beauty in this wonderful world we live in. I am grateful for the home I live in, and the life I share with Richard. I can weep for the suffering which is happening in the world, and pray for the misguided people who think that war holds any answers.

We went to see our friends Brad and Karen’s son Ben play in his band last night, and I felt immensely proud of him. He has been through some tough times lately. I have know Ben since he was 3 years old, and he has grown into a very talented and fine young man. As I looked round at all the young people, I realised that I was one of the oldest people in the room, and that I could actually be a grandparent of most of them……….. I realised though, that I still feel the same inside – the girl in the ‘hot pants’ was the 15 year old me – leaping about, young and free, and fearless.  I will hold on to that thought for the day “young, free and fearless”, yes I like that.

Now to felt some stones……….like you do!

Well, getting through my sessions now. It actually feels like a normal thing to do everyday!  I have been suffering from quite a lot of anxiety and low mood since the Paris attacks, and bad weather whilst on M62 adds to my angst. I was reminded by my friend Amanda this morning on Facebook about the part that the vagus nerve plays in our wellbeing, particularly increasing its tone it is the longest nerve in the human body, and is involved in most of the automatic things that happen in the body. Increasing its tone helps with poor digestion, anxiety, inflammation, depression, and a whole myriad of other conditions, most of which I have symptoms!  Anyway, deep diaphragmatic breathing exercise, talking, and singing and humming help to stimulate the nerve and bring up the tone. So today I didn’t have the radio on whilst travelling to Leeds, and I sang all the way there and back at the top of my voice.  I did lots of well known songs, my songs, musicals – the lot, even nonesense songs using vowel sounds, and guess what I have had a much better day!  Also sang whilst walking the dog round the block too. Must keep it up! Daily practice, as with all things is the key…..

All by myself!

Very quiet today at the centre, I was all alone in the chamber for the first time. I felt OK, got into my suduko and Elvis Costello. Halfway through now, finding the M62 the most difficult aspect, as the weather has been awful, but batting on with it.

Here we go again……..

Sitting in an oxygen chamber for an hour and a quarter is beginning to feel like a normal part of my life!  I am definitely sleeping more soundly, and although I still wake with pain, I don’t stay awake for hours. So, even if this is the only improvement to my life with this therapy I will be grateful. Other patients at the centre say that major improvement comes after the 15 sessions …….. fingers crossed.

Big challenge today with mask trouble again…. I am getting a permanent ‘dint’ on the bridge of my nose now. I’m ok for about 20 mins, then the pain starts. Everyone else just sits there reading, iPad ing, or doing crosswords, and I am packed up with pillows, blankets, neck pillows, and a footstool. No one else adjusts their mask, or breathes strangely, or fidgets to get comfy like I do, I must be such a pain to be in there with, I even had 2 of the patients taking their masks off and trying to help me adjust mine……….  I’m trying to look on it as a ‘practice’, something to be mastered, and am counting the days off. What a wuss! How dare I even complain…………. Hey ho, there’s always tomorrow.  Oh, yes I forgot my iPad too.